Hopes and Dreams
by Willful Redhead
Summary: Sending their brother out on a trip means a honeymoon at long last, but what will happen when the brothers are left to themselves?
1. Chapter 1

_I keep thinking I've written my last story, and then . . .so here's another one. This is a story that happens somewhere inside the first season-ish. It is before Winter Roses, and A Ring for Hannah. I am so enjoying all the stories that have posted recently and can't wait to see how they all play out. Love that there are so many things to read now! Thank you to all those of you who have encouraged me. As always I really appreciate your reviews and comments._

Adam slid into bed next to his wife who was sound asleep. His workday had been endless and he was so relieved to be off his feet and in a warm bed. Even sound asleep, Hannah was a comfort to him. She rolled toward him, wrapping herself around his cold body. "_A good wife is a good thing," _He thought again.

He had spent the afternoon trying to repair the harrow that had broken yet again. When he had finally wrestled it into submission, a sudden storm hit, drenching him and changing his plans. He returned to the barn soaking wet, only to discover two of Guthrie's lambs had escaped their pen. He spent a good hour searching for them and finally found them near the creek. One was now stuck in a mudbank and he had to climb into the mud and water, and lift the terrified lamb out of the mud. He had just put the lambs inside the barn when Brian had run towards him to tell him that the supply shed had a door blown off. Everything inside would be ruined by the rainstorm if they didn't repair it. Sighing, he trudged in the cold rain toward his fate, and they spent the next two and half hours rebuilding the door. It was nearly dark by then and well past dinner. He and Brian headed toward the house wet, tired and grumpy, but they'd been stopped by a noise from one of the sows. "_Of course_," Adam thought, "_the piglets would come now_." He sent Brian inside, deciding that at least one of them should get warm, and watched six piglets join the Circle Bar Seven Ranch. By then he was starving, exhausted and frozen.

Stepping into the familiar warmth of home, he found a plate of food sitting on the table. He unwrapped the plate to find a turkey sandwich that he ate greedily while reading the note she'd left beside it.

_Poor Starving Rancher Man_,

_Missed you at dinner. This food isn't warm, but I am! _

_Come on up, and find out! _

_Love, _

_Your Girl _

_H_

He smiled thinking of how much his life had improved since he'd slid a ring on her left hand. He polished off the sandwich and set the plate in the sink. He passed through the laundry room, tiptoeing by the fold-out bed where his baby brother slept. He gently tucked a blanket around Guthrie who sighed and mumbled in his sleep. Brian was on the couch in the front room snoring loud enough to rattle the floorboards. He could see a plate on the coffee table near him and Adam smiled thinking how fortunate he was that his wife was infinitely loving. He saw the note she'd left for his brother.

_Sorry your day was so long. _

_Hope this helps to redeem it._

_Perhaps, someday you'll like me. _

_Your Sis,_

_H_

It was a joke between the two of them. Brian had been the last to truly accept her. He had been fearful and uncomfortable with the change she brought. But over time he had come to love her dearly and she would tease him mercilessly often remarking, "I thought you didn't like me," and then she would smile and he would shake his head at her saying,"Knock it off, Sis."

Adam smiled at his sleeping brother, and put one more log on the fire, pausing to gaze at the hearth. He was struck by a sudden and powerful memory of sitting at the hearth as a small boy. Brian sat beside him and Crane was a baby in his father's arms. His mother strummed a guitar and they all sang together.

Another memory flitted past, himself, barely eighteen reading picture books with Evan, Ford and Guthrie who listened with young eager faces.

He could remember other times too. Gazing at the flames alone, the weight of trying to raise his brothers heavy on his young shoulders. He knew he had to choose them over everything else - even his own personal life. He felt utterly alone in those days, and was convinced he would be for life.

He smiled remembering a rainy Saturday, just a few weeks ago when he had sat by the same hearth, Hannah in his arms. Through a bizarre twist of basketball practice, chores and projects they were the only ones home. It was a miracle. As soon as he realized they were alone for once, he had pulled her close, kissing her even as she laughed. "Good God, woman! We are alone!"

"Adam!" She'd protested laughing. "I've got chores."

"The hell you do! I'm the boss of the house. You've got the afternoon off! Now stop fussin' and kiss me, girl!"

"Well," She hesitated, considering thoughtfully. "Guthrie did say you were boss. So . . ."

He leaned in close. "Only one boss in this house, but it sure ain't me." He grinned but then she kissed him and there was no one in the world; just the two of them, their heartbeats matched in perfect rhythm.

He checked the front door and turned out the porch light. Climbing the stairs, a rip in the wallpaper caught his eye, revealing an older paper underneath. _ "This whole house is like that."_ He thought.

Every room layered so thick with memories. The past always hovering, lovingly near. He was struck then, by a beautiful and shocking vision; he could see a future version of himself with his own children around him sitting at the very same hearth and Hannah singing with them all, just as his own mother had.

Opening the door to their room, a smile still on his face, he could see her curled asleep in bed, and paused to kiss her cheek before heading down the hall to wash up. He was exhausted; worn out from a long, long day. Laying next to her in the darkness. Her body warmed him, and he began to drift toward sleep wondering at his good fortune. What kind of woman curls up next to an ice cold rancher man? She ought to roll away - anyone with an ounce of self would.

"Adam?" She mumbled sleepily.

"I hope you aren't expecting someone else." He whispered.

"You alright? Did you eat?"

"Go back to sleep, sweetheart." He kissed her forehead. "I'm fine. Thanks, honey."

"Love you." Her voice froggy with sleep.

"'Night girl." He closed his eyes and was instantly asleep.

***7***

The beginning of the dream was always the same. It was night and there was no moon. It was the deepest darkest part of night and his hands gripped the steering wheel. Fog rolled in thick and ominous. He leaned forward trying to see the road ahead which twisted and curved unpredictably. Sleep, like a heavy hand, pushed down on him. He fought drowsiness and struggled to remain conscious but it was an impossible battle. He watched himself knowing what a dangerous thing it was to continue driving but was powerless to stop himself. The heaviness of sleep was a lead weight that he was not strong enough to fight. He swerved across the lane watching the white line pass beneath him. He fought to control the truck but could not. He crashed into the truck head-on. He could see the people inside clearly. He saw two faces wide-eyed and fearful. His mother's terror filling his heart with dread.

Then the dream shifted and he stood in the dark fog picking his way through the wreckage. He stepped over the bodies of his parents, hands clasped together even in death. He moved frantically through twisted metal and broken glass. His brothers lay strewn across the road; all of them lost and he broke into a run searching desperately. His heart pounding in his chest, he saw her at last, her brown curls spread out behind her like a halo so pale and still. Guthrie lay beside her and one arm was wrapped around him protectively. She mothered him even here in death. He fell to his knees, shattered, broken beyond repair and devastated, and began to weep for all that he had lost.

***7***

Hannah awoke as Adam twisted and turned in sleep. The sound of his sobbing heart-breakingly sad. He only had the dream when he was burdened down with worries, or like now, exhausted beyond all measure. She wrapped her arms around him and whispered soothingly, "Shh. Hush now. It's alright. Everyone is alright. It's okay, Adam. Shhh. Honey, it's okay."

The first time he had the dream, she had tried to wake him. He awoke startled, sobbing, and it had taken hours for him to calm down. Even then, he would not submit to sleep too fearful that the images would return. He refused to talk to her about it. "It is too horrible." He said his voice angry, but she knew his anger was only to hide his fear. She had learned it was better not to wake him, but speak comfortingly to him as he slept. It usually took fifteen minutes, maybe twenty, but if she kept speaking loving words, he would eventually settle back into a restful sleep. She would ask him in the morning if he remembered the dream, and he would tell her no. But she had learned to watch him carefully, and could tell by the way he was gentle with them all that he never really forgot it. It hovered over him like a cloud and he would be pensive and thoughtful for days afterward.

He finally settled back into sleep, but disturbed by his sorrow and terror, she could not fall back asleep. She tiptoed downstairs, pausing to cover Guthrie with a blanket - he always kicked them off. He looked so small asleep; still a sweet boy. She sighed and couldn't help but smile seeing him curled up tight, his cheeks pink with sleep. She went into the kitchen to make herself some warm milk, and was surprised to see Brian sitting at the table a mug in his hand.

"Fancy, meeting you here." He said seeing her. He rose and went to the stove. "Want some milk?"

"Yes." She smiled at him. "Aren't you exhausted?"

"Yep, but I woke up and for some reason can't get back to sleep. What's your excuse? Adam's snoring has gotten to you at last?"

"Well, it wasn't _his_ snoring." She teased him.

"I don't snore." He grinned at her and handed her a mug of warm milk. She sipped it thoughtfully, trying to push the sound of Adam's crying out of her mind. He sat down saying nothing for a time. He sighed and then spoke softly.

"You didn't try and wake him, did you?" Brian asked startling her. She turned to him with wide eyes. "It is worse if you wake him. It's that damn dream." He sighed.

"No, I didn't. He's better now. He's asleep." She answered softly.

"Yeah." He looked at her. "Did he tell you about it? What he dreams?" She shook her head at him.

"He won't say. He says it is too terrible."

"He wouldn't tell me either. I bet he'll tell you, though. He can't say no to you for very long." He grinned at her. "Trouble is, once he's asleep and better, you feel terrible."

She nodded in agreement, unable to trust her voice. She took a sip of warm milk. "Has he dreamed it since that night?" She asked. Their entire lives were divided by the night their parents were killed. It had been split in two: Life Before/Life After.

"It didn't start 'til maybe a year or so after. He used to dream it a lot when Crane was away at Davis. I don't know after awhile it was only when one of us was sick, or in trouble or he was just over-tired."

She sighed and setting her mug down, rested her cheek against her hand. He looked at her, and tried to remember why he had once found her so threatening. He had been angry with Adam for bringing her home, and disrupting their lives. Looking at her now, he couldn't imagine her not a part of their family. He reached for her hand.

"The sound of his crying," He paused as she looked up at him sharply. "It stays with you. I've never heard him cry like that, except in his sleep."

She squeezed his fingers gently. "I think maybe its because he never had time to really grieve. You didn't either, for that matter. You had the boys to think of, and the ranch. He had to keep moving forward and pressing on. So maybe it is only asleep that he can really let go of it all."

"Yeah." He said surprised by how much sense that made. He was often amazed at how well Hannah understood things; things no one had even ever told her. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Brian." She said.

"Sorry? For what?" He asked confused.

"That you've had so much loss. I never said that to you, and I've wanted to. I'm sorry you had to take on so much so young, and that you had to lose them."

He swallowed hard, surprised by how deeply her words affected him. He couldn't say something stupid like, "Oh, that's alright." It _wasn't_ alright. It was a scar they all bore - a deep wound that sometimes seemed would never, ever heal.

"Thanks, Hannah." He said at last. He sighed and confessed, "I'm awfully glad you are here, Sis. He is so happy. You make him, so happy." He blushed embarrassed, and she grinned and looked away from him, hiding tears that had sprung to her eyes.

"But you don't even . . ." She began to tease him yet again, knowing he was uncomfortable with strong emotions.

"No, you don't have to do that, Sis." He said rising. "I do like you, and I was a jackass when you first came here. I'm the one who's sorry." He bent and kissed her cheek. "You make us _all_ happy. Go back to bed. He's alright now. We all are."

He went back to the livingroom and his makeshift bed. She sat for a few more minutes alone in a pool of moonlight, thinking of the many, many things that filled her heart with thankfulness. She could still remember the sting of her first evening here; standing alone on the front porch crying that Adam had kept the truth of his brothers from her. She'd been so hurt. He had thought she cried because he hadn't been honest with her, and that was partly true. But mostly she cried because she was afraid she had married a man who didn't really trust her enough to share everything with her. She had felt separated from him, and it had frightened her. Later, dancing in his arms, listening to his brothers singing - their peace offering to her - she had cried because he had given her all her secret wishes without even knowing it. She could remember all those days alone in that little trailer dreaming of someday being part of a family. Now, all these months later, she couldn't even really remember the loneliness that she had lived with. It was gone. It had taken so much hard work for her to break into the inner circle of the brotherhood, but in her whole life she had never, ever felt so at peace and so perfectly content.

She didn't even really mind the piles of dishes, the laundry, or even the way you had to move through the room carefully because two brothers might be wrestling. She didn't even mind that they were never really alone, realizing on about the third day that if she waited until they were alone, she would never get a chance to kiss Adam. So more often than not, they would be kissing while all around them their brothers ignored them. _Their brothers._ That was how she thought if it now. She couldn't separate herself from them, even if she had wanted to, and she didn't. She loved all of them, even Brian who had been so difficult at first. At night, before she drifted to sleep, she would run through the list, alphabetically, praying for each one. She loved them all. Stubborn Brian, who had tried to keep her at arms length. Crane who was kind-hearted and loving - looking out for her from the very beginning. Daniel who was a difficult combination of wild and gentle; as ready to sing a tender song as bust out fighting, Evan who was most likely to be a the center of some prank, Ford who was so quiet, gentle and shy, she had to fight against babying him, and Guthrie. She couldn't think of Guthrie and not smile. He was twelve years old, and yet, had such a sweetness to him that made him seem even younger. No matter where she was if he was in the same room, he would be at her side. He held a soft spot in all their hearts, he was so loving and open. Adam had told her that he was always that way because their mother had been so loving to him, but she pointed out that their mother had only two years with him, while Adam had raised him for ten.

She loved her family. They weren't quiet or small. They were boisterous, wild and unpredictable, and Hannah couldn't imagine a better life. She sighed, realizing dawn would be here soon enough. There would be a million things that needed doing and she had better get some sleep while she could. It was while she drifted to sleep listening to Adam's soft steady breathing that she realized, Brian had done a pretty good job of cheering her up.


	2. Chapter 2

"I swear, Evan, if you broke it, I will snap your neck!" Daniel said angrily.

"I didn't break it. Calm down, little girl! Geez!" Evan said his cheeks red with anger.

"Who you calling a girl?" Daniel said shoving his brother in the chest.

"Who do you think? Crying like some baby over a stupid guitar! You've got three! And I didn't break it! It just has a scratch!"

"You idiot! You could've destroyed it!"

"You bought it at a second-hand store! You act like I scratched Mom and Dad's guitar. Calm the hell down why don't ya!" Evan pushed him back.

"What's wrong with you two?" Crane said angrily stepping into the room he shared with Daniel. "What are you fighting about?"

"Little Mary Ellen, here, is all bent out of shape because I _accidently_ bumped one of his precious, crap guitars!" Evan said.

"You are gonna die, you know that!" Daniel said reaching past Crane.

"Knock it off. You are both idiots. Daniel!" Crane said when his brother continued to reach across him. Adam stepped in the room then.

"What the hell's going on?" Adam asked. He pulled Daniel back by the arms. "Knock it off! Daniel! Stop it!" Daniel stopped struggling and Adam let go of him.

"What's the problem?" Adam asked.

"I scratched his guitar." Evan said. "ON accident, but he's acting like I shattered it all to pieces."

"Mom and Dad's guitar?" Adam said shocked.

"No," Daniel said putting a hand on Adam's arm. "One of my other ones."

"Oh." Adam said. "I could understand all this noise over something important like that. But I can't imagine a man fighting over a _thing_." He said the word with such disdain, that Daniel hung his head ashamed.

"Yeah, I guess." Daniel said.

"I am sorry." Evan said gentler now.

"It wasn't on purpose." Daniel said.

"Better?" Adam asked them and they nodded. He had hoped today would be a better day. It wasn't starting out all that great. He sighed. "Good. Because one of you is gonna miss the bus, and the other one has plenty of work to do today." Adam turned and left the room with Evan right behind him.

"You okay?" Crane asked Daniel.

"Yeah. Adam's right. It was stupid." He sat down and looked again at the jagged scratch that ran along the guitar.

"That's pretty bad." Crane said. "I'd be irritated. Remember that time, Guthrie cut pictures out of my chemistry book?"

"He was so scared he hid under the table for an hour." Daniel said remembering. He glanced at Crane. "I didn't mean to get so mad. It just seems like no one really understands how important it is." He sighed. "I don't want to be a rancher."

"I know."

"I'm gonna leave someday."

"I know." Crane sighed and looked at his younger brother. He knew deep down that Circle Bar Seven would always be Daniel's home, but it wasn't where he would spend his life. It pained him.

"We better get working or Dad'll come and hunt us down." He grinned at Crane, feeling a little better that at least someone understood.

***7***

"What are you doing?" Adam asked when he saw Hannah trying to lug a giant basket of laundry down the stairs.

"Laundry." She said from behind the pile of his brother's clothes.

He rushed up the stairs and took the basket from her. "Yeah, but they're supposed to bring it down for you."

"Someone forgot and it's either go get it or have twice as much when they do remember." She followed him into the laundry room.

"I tell you what," He began, a vein bulging on his neck. "I'm gonna . . ."

"It's not that big of a deal, Adam. I'm no light-weight." She said laughing and gesturing to the mountain of dirty clothes she had before her.

"That's not the point." He said irritated.

It was Evan who had the grave misfortune to enter the house just then. He poured himself a glass of milk and draining it left the dirty glass on the table.

"You just gonna leave it there, I suppose." Adam said sharply stepping out from the laundry room.

"Sorry." Evan said and took the glass and set it in the sink.

"Sure. Just set it there. No need to wash it. Hannah will do it." Adam said. "She can get to it right after she washes all your clothes."

"Adam. . ." Hannah said stepping into the kitchen.

"Got a special request for dinner? She can cook that up for you."

"Ignore him, Evan. He's just cranky. Go on, now. Escape while you can." Evan hesitated and then ran out the door.

"Adam." She said putting her arms around him. "They usually remember. They just forgot. They are respectful boys."

"You work too hard." He said grumpy still.

"Oh, stop. Have you ever known me not to speak up for myself?" She smiled up at him.

"Well, no." He relented. "But you married me." He said sighing. "You didn't sign on for all this."

"Well, I like to think of your brothers as a kind of bonus." She kissed him. "You had no idea how I felt about hockey until after you married me. Life is filled with surprises."

"Honey, don't joke about hockey." He said suddenly serious, and she laughed.

"I'm sorry. I know how you feel about it. I promise I'll watch a game with you one day." She said slipping out of his arms. "But first, I've got all this laundry." Grinning she disappeared into the laundry room.

***7***

"Well, it looks like it has breathed its last." Brian said looking down.

"Yeah." Adam sighed. "I'm gonna really miss it. All those hours in the dirt and the mud."

"Remember that time, you thought it was fixed and then it broke immediately after?" Brian asked in mock sadness.

"Oh, there's so many times that happened. Lots and lots of special times together." Adam said leaning on his brother's shoulder pretending to cry.

"I swear you are both twelve years old still." Crane said irritated. "You know this is gonna kill the profit margin."

"We have a profit margin?" Adam looked up surprised.

"We have a profit?" Brian asked shocked. They laughed at this, but Crane just rolled his eyes still irritated.

"We did, but it looks like we're spending it on a new harrow. I swear, I hate the harrow."

"Oh, geez Crane, it is sort of disrespectful to say it right over the dead body like that." Brian said.

"You don't think we could just sort of weld that section back together again." Adam said considering the expense.

"I think after four times it is a lost cause." Brian said. "Plus, then you got to factor in the time we will spend fixing it over and over and over again. I know it's expensive but sometimes you gotta spend money."

"Yeah." Crane said defeated.

"Well, looks like we'll need to take a trip into Sonora." Adam said.

"Yup." Brian said.

"I guess we could leave in the morning. We could maybe get back by dark. It will be slow going, especially if we drag the old one in. They might give a discount." Adam said. "Be a long day."

"It would be smarter to just stay over, and not be rushed." Crane said.

"I guess. We could sleep in the jeep. It would be cheaper that way." Adam sighed.

"That sounds really fun." Brian said with a wink at Crane.

"I guess we better discuss it at dinner." Crane said smiling at Brian.

"Alright." Adam said. This is the part he hated about ranching. Everything would be humming along fine, and then boom! Maybe the tractor would breakdown, or some cows would get a mysterious illness, or the harrow would break. You would be right back to square one again. He hated scrimping and saving and getting nowhere fast. He sighed thinking of the money he'd tried to save to take Hannah somewhere nice - even just out to dinner. It never, ever seemed to work out.

***7***

"So, there's no way around it. We got replace it." Adam said looking at his brothers, but avoiding his wife's eyes. He didn't have the heart to look her in the eyes, and see how disappointed she would be to know he'd be gone for the next few days. He heard Guthrie snicker and wondered why he would find a broken harrow funny. He glanced around looking at his brother's faces.

"Adam's plan is that he and I will drag that old dinosaur in, sleep in the jeep and bring back a new one." Brian said shaking his head in disgust.

"That sounds like a pretty stupid plan." Guthrie said.

"Guthrie!" Hannah said sharply, but he only grinned at her. She was opening her mouth to continue to correct him on his manners when she was interrupted.

"We were thinking of something else." Crane said.

"We think you should leave Brian here with us," Daniel said, "and take your girl with you instead."

"What?" Adam looked up confused.

"If you took that old harrow in, they'd just ask you to donate it to the historical society." Brian said with a laugh. "So leave that piece of junk here and drive your wife on up to Sonora. Pick us out a new harrow and then take her someplace nice to eat."

"Someplace where they don't toss your dinner rolls at you." Daniel said with a wink at Hannah.

"I don't understand . . ." Adam began.

"Listen, we talked about this all yesterday. That harrow has been a piece of junk for the last three years. We've all been saving to send you on a honeymoon for ages, but could never figure a way to get you out of here." Crane explained. "And then like a miracle, that old harrow broke one last time."

"So, you are gonna take this money we all saved, and find a nice little inn and have yourselves a proper honeymoon." Brian grinned at the two of them who sat opposite ends of the table looking shocked.

"Oh, but I don't need any fancy . . ." Hannah began.

"No, but you deserve it." Daniel said smiling at her.

"Go on and get it Guthrie." Brian said and popping up out of his seat, Guthrie ran into the other room and returned with an envelope. He handed it to Hannah. Surprised, she took it from him, and glancing at Adam who nodded his head, she opened it as he walked to her. He stood over her shoulder as she pulled out the card. It was a simple wedding card that said congratulations on the inside. They'd signed all their names, and inside was a small pile of money and a card with the name of an inn on it.

"Oh my!" She said seeing just how much they had all saved. "You . . . It is so much money." Her eyes shone brightly.

"Well, since you didn't give us much notice, we couldn't give you much of a present on the day you got married, but you give us nearly a year and we can put together something nice." Evan said softly.

"They will have a room all ready for you. Two nights with no dishes or laundry or brothers." Brian said grinning at them.

"We were hoping for something fancier or someplace far away, but . . ." Guthrie side.

"Oh no! This is wonderful!" Hannah said.

Hannah looked down, her eyes lowered. Adam put a hand on her shoulder and said, "I . . .I . . ." He struggled to string together the right words to express how much he appreciated their kindness. "We are grateful." He managed.

Hannah moved away from the table and rose, her head still lowered. Drawing in a deep breath she lifted shining eyes to them, and said, "You make a girl feel really special." She smiled at them.

"When we leave wet towels all over the floor?" Brian asked her, teasing.

"No, you moron! When we tramp mud through the kitchen!" Daniel said.

"You're the dumb one," Evan said. "She feels loved the most when we leave her a pile of dirty dishes, or wait, maybe it is the laundry. Is it, Hannah? Do you feel the most loved when you see that pile of laundry?"

"_Sometimes_, you make a girl feel special." She said sighing.

"Oh, shut up, all of you!" Crane said shaking his head at them and rising. "We do love you Hannah, even if we leave towels all over the floor, and tramp in mud, and leave you piles and piles of dishes and laundry, but we do love you." He motioned and they all rose then and she was swallowed up in a hug from the entire Brotherhood.

"I still think you are crazy." Daniel said from inside the hug. "I _know_ Adam. You could've done much, much better." He smiled and kissed her. She laughed.

"No, I couldn't, not in a million, billion years! I'm the luckiest girl there is."

"See, I told you it was the laundry." Evan said.


	3. Chapter 3

The wind blew through the windows of the truck cold and fresh. Adam reached over and patted Hannah on the leg. She sat in the middle right next to him, rather than all the way over in the passenger seat. He smiled down at her as Murphys and their responsibilities faded in the rear view mirror. Hannah was twenty-three years old, and he twenty-seven, yet they lived lives as though they were much older. He remembered the first time he had seen his old highschool friends, as they came home from college for Thanksgiving vacation. They had seemed immature, irresponsible and selfish. It had taken him weeks to realize that they were merely behaving as most eighteen year olds did. The life of a de-facto father had aged him decades in those few months. He sometimes forgot how young he was; how young his bride was.

"We'll get into town and check out this inn, and then after lunch go see about this dumb old harrow. It won't take more than an hour or two. Then we'll do whatever you want." He smiled at her.

"Oh, I don't care what it is." She smiled up at him her eyes bright. "Just as long as it is you and me."

"That I promise you." He said and she reached for his hand, lacing her fingers with his. "You just try and shake me, girl."

"I've been trying since the day I met you." She said grinning so her dimples showed. "Just can't seem to do it."

"Good thing." He said. "That ring I gave you is awfully expensive." He winked at her.

***7***

"Listen, I understand what you are thinking, Daniel, but it is a school night. How on earth would the boys get to sleep with a live band in the front room? I know you need to practice, but it seems a little impractical." Brian said.

"No, we'll be out in the barn. Come on man! Listen it isn't our fault the water heater broke! We just need a place to practice. We won't play late. It will just be me and the guys. We really want to do well in that battle of the bands that is coming up in Stockton next month. I need the practice time." Daniel tried not to sound like he was whining.

"Well," Brian hesitated, glancing at Crane, who shrugged his shoulders. "No, practicing past 9:30 p.m. and only in the barn. I'm not feeding anybody, and I don't want a bunch of girls hanging around to "listen" to you guys. If you are going to practice let it be a serious practice."

"No problem, brother! Thanks! Thanks so much!" Daniel sprinted out of the room. "I gotta call the guys."

"I don't know Brian, it seems a waste to say no girls." Crane said with a grin.

"Yeah, but I know Dan'l. He doesn't mean too, but things get out of hand pretty quick with him. We can't bail anyone out of jail _and_ pay for a new harrow." Brian said.

"Look who's talking." Crane said.

"Besides, any girls he'd bring along would be too young for us. I thought you already had a girl, anyway."

"New York is pretty far." Crane said with a sigh. "A once a week phone date, is exactly what I'd call a thriving relationship."

"It is if she's the right girl, I suppose." Brian said with a raised eyebrow. "Is she?"

"Yeah." Crane sighed. "That's the problem. Sometimes I wish she was the wrong girl, you know."

"I guess. I've never had that problem."

"Yet." Crane said. "Just you wait brother."

"Maybe I'm not the settling down kind." Brian said. "You and Adam seem to have that covered."

"No way, man. You are a McFadden. You'll find yourself a girl and that will be the end of it. You can't fight who you are."

"Remember what Dad always said?" Brian asked.

"'Listen boys, one of these days you'll see a girl, and you'll know it. Don't try and fight against it. Trust me. Treat her right and marry her.'" Crane recited.

"And mom said, 'Adam! I don't want these boys getting married while they are still in high school! You boys, don't even bother with girls. They are nothing but trouble!'" They both laughed.

"I wonder what they would say if they could see us all now." Crane said thoughtfully.

"They would be proud." Brian said. "They are proud. I'm trying to imagine a life with both Mom _and _Hannah. We wouldn't stand a chance." He grinned.

"I miss them." Crane said thoughtfully. " Do you?" He looked at his older brother who was generally stoic expecting him to adopt his tough-guy persona.

"Every damn day." He said blinking back tears. "Come on. We better get to work." He turned suddenly and went out the door before Crane could say anything else.

***7***

"Brian taught me to play the harmonica." Guthrie said. "I'm getting pretty good."

"Get out!" Daniel said putting a hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Seriously, Guthrie."

"I can't even stay to listen?" Guthrie whined looking up into Daniel's face.

"No!" Daniel said giving him a gentle push. "Get out!"

"It's my barn too." Guthrie said stubbornly.

"I'm gonna give you three seconds and if you are still standing here, I will tan your hide." Daniel said seriously. "You think I'm kidding, boy?"

Guthrie swallowed and said, "Fine! I'm going. I hope that when you get to that stupid competition they tell you that you could've won, if only you had someone to play the harmonica!" He stormed out of the barn angry. He looked out at the gray sky and sighed. He wasn't about to admit it to any of his brothers, but he really missed Hannah. He felt kind of homesick without her here, and he hated being all by himself. He sat down on the front steps thinking that what he ought to do was his homework, but decided to go look for Evan instead. He had said something about doing some work up by the south pasture.

***7***

Hannah McFadden leaned against the counter as Adam negotiated a new harrow.

"We don't need anything fancy." Adam was telling the owner Allen Downs. "You got any second-hand?"

"Yeah, but Adam that's what you bought last time, and that's why you are here now. You need to get a good quality piece of equipment. Then you won't waste precious hours on repairs or replacement."

"And a brand, shiny new harrow doesn't hurt your profit one bit." Hannah said with an innocent grin.

"Who's she?" Allen asked.

"The wife." Adam said with a smile.

"You got married? Oh, that's right. I thought it was just a joke folks were telling." He looked at Hannah. "Did he really drag you all the way out there without mentioning his brothers?"

"Oh, he mentioned them." She said. "He just left out the part where they would be living with us because he was raising them."

"You are awfully pretty." He said. "You should leave him and find a nice rich man without any brothers." Hannah laughed and Adam shook his head.

"Allen." He said.

"I'm just saying. This poor girl probably spends most of her days picking up after those hooligans you call brothers. Those boys are right next door to cavemen." He smiled at Hannah.

"It is a lot for one poor girl." She said stepping closer her face pouty. "That's why it would be so helpful if you could get us a really good deal on a new harrow. I could use the extra money and maybe someday I get a fancy new washing machine." She looked up at Allen innocently.

"Oh, my God!" Allen said. "Did you coach her?" He pointed at Hannah, and smiling Adam shook his head. "Well, listen here, little lady. I'm not falling for it. You are pretty and all, but I'm a businessman first." He looked at her, but she said nothing. He sighed. "Alright, listen. We sold a harrow a month ago to some rich, fancy gentleman farmer who has now decided to become something else. He is returning it. I sent Bruce out to check on it, and he says it looks like maybe it's been used twice. I can cut you a pretty good deal on that."

"That sounds interesting." Adam said. He turned to Hannah. "What do you think?"

"Well, we need it right away. We got cows that will need feed. When can we get it?" She asked.

"He's bringing it in tomorrow afternoon. You could get it then. My boys will help you load it." He studied Hannah.

"Buying a used harrow is taking a chance. You throw in some kind of warranty?"

"One year." He said.

"Two." She countered. Adam leaned back against the counter and watched the two of them.

"Alright." He conceded. He glanced over at Adam. "Stop grinning."

"Let's talk price." Hannah said with a wink at Adam.

"Mrs. McFadden," Allen said. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way and all, but I'm awful sorry he got married." He pointed a thumb in Adam's direction.

"I'll bet you are." She said.

***7***

"No Dan'l for dinner." Crane said. "They haven't stopped playing since they got here." He looked around the dinner table. "Where's Evan?"

"Here!" He said coming in the room. "I'm beat! I tell you sending Adam off seemed like a good idea until you realize that someone's gonna have to cover his chores." He walked over to the kitchen sink and washed his hands. "What is that smell?"

"Dinner." Ford said. "Brian tried something new."

"Why didn't you just follow one of Hannah's recipes?" Evan said.

"I can cook. You know I fed you fellas for years before she came along." Brian said pointing a spoon at them offended.

"Yeah, have you ever noticed that not one of us is fat? Besides we hadn't tasted anything else." Evan said.

"Hey, one of you go get Guthrie. I think he's out listening to Daniel." Crane said setting a plate of rolls on the table.

"No, Daniel kicked everyone out." Ford said. "Guthrie was driving him nuts. He kept offering to join the band and play the harmonica." Ford laughed and reached for a roll.

"Hey, don't laugh. He's getting better." Brian said defending his brother.

"That is one McFadden who had better not consider a career in music." Evan said. "I love him, Bri, but he's a little bit tone deaf."

"Little bit?" Ford said.

"That's strange." Crane said. "He hasn't been in the house all afternoon. Any of you fellas know where he went?" They shook their heads. Brian glanced out the window.

"It's getting dark." He said an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

"Maybe we should take a look around." Crane said glancing at Brian.

"Yeah." Brian said turning around and turning the stove off. "Come on fellas."

"He's probably just in the barn watching Daniel. He probably just snuck back in." Evan said.

"Yeah." Crane said, glancing again at the sky. He could see storm clouds gathering in the distance. "I'm sure there's nothing to be worried about."


	4. Chapter 4

Guthrie Lay flat on his back and stared up into a grey sky and tried to figure a way out of the mess he found himself in. He tried again to stand but found it impossible. It wasn't just that his right ankle was probably badly sprained, but he also had a cut on his left knee that was too painful. He couldn't put weight on either one of them.

_Adam is going to kill me._ He thought. _And_ _then_ _Brian_ _will_ _tan_ _my_ _backside_.

How he found himself bruised, sprained and cut at the bottom of the ravine was the result of an odd combination of mishaps. He had _thought_ Evan was near the south pasture. He had _thought_ he knew a safe short cut. He had _thought_ that the path he had chosen wasn't too steep. He wasn't really thinking when he began to walk precariously on a log at the rim of a canyon he skirted. He was imaging he was Davy Crockett traverssing the wilderness with a group of angry Apache in close pursuit. He was really too old for it, but all alone with nothing to do he could slip back into the old games. It was only as the rim of the earth at the edge began to give way, and he began sliding and rolling down, and down, and down, that it occurred to him that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to skirt along the edge of a cliff.

By the time he hit the bottom, he was so relieved not to be dead that he hadn't really felt any pain. As he rolled to a stop he had the craziest thought, _Thank God, I'm not dead! Adam would be FURIOUS with me, if I were dead!_ Even bruised and rattled he recognized this was not a rational thought. It was only as he tried to stand that he realized he was in a pretty bad situation. No one knew where he was. He had no way to get home, and his knee was bleeding pretty good.

He took the sleeve of his longsleeved t-shirt, ripping it, and wrapped it around his knee, hoping to at least slow the bleeding. Then the pain came. He was tired, in pain, and cold. He realized he was going to have to try somehow to move slowly, inch by inch, toward home.

_This is all Daniel's fault! _

He thought bitterly. If Daniel had just let him stay and listen in the barn, he wouldn't be out here now. He certainly hoped that there were no bears or coyotes around. He pulled his jacket closed and wrapped his arms around himself. If only he had matches! If only he a flashlight. If only he had stayed home to do his homework. He shivered, and began to scoot along the ground. He would scoot his backside back and inch or two, dragging his legs. Then he would reach behind him with his arms, and pull himself another inch back. It hurt both his knee and ankle, but the he could tolerate the pain. He concentrated on moving just an inch at a time toward home.

***7***

"It is _raining_!" Crane said into the phone angrily. "It is _dark_! You know Guthrie! Something has happened! So I don't care about policy and procedures. We need to start a search party, and we need to start it now!" He hung up without waiting for a response.

"What?" Brian asked, as he put a first aid kit into a backpack.

"Damn rules and regulations say you gotta wait twelve hours. I don't know. I think they'll get a party together. Ed's a good man, and he knows Guthrie."

"You got the first aid kit?" Daniel said coming into the room with a box that held flashlights. He wore his jacket and had a backpack on his back.

"Yeah." Brian said. "Alright, we all start out at the barn, and head off in three different directions. Shoot off a flare, if you find something. Evan," He looked at his younger brother and could see the clear desire in his eyes to join the hunt. "You and Ford gotta stay here, and man the phone. Maybe Ed will come out. Plus you can tell people where we went to look already."

"What about Adam?" Ford asked softly. Everyone grew completely silent.

"We can call Adam when we've got something to tell him. Why worry him?" Brian said.

"But they'd want to . . ." Ford began, but Crane cut him off.

"No!" He said firmly. "Adam worries like an old grandmother, as it is, and you want to tell Hannah we misplaced Guthrie?" He looked at Ford who didn't respond other than to slump his shoulders and look away.

"If they call, just tell them Guthrie's out or in bed." Brian said.

"You are telling us to lie?" Evan said surprised.

"Yes." Brian said without hesitation. "You lie through your damn teeth to them. I'm serious. Guthrie is probably fine - just wandered off somewhere. I'm not worrying them, unless I have to, and neither are you. You hear me, boys?" Evan and Ford nodded with serious faces. They stood together on the porch watching Brian, Crane and Daniel stride toward the barn through the growing darkness.

"You better answer the phone, Evan." Ford said watching his older brothers disappear into the barn. "I can't lie to Hannah. I can't do it."

Evan sighed. "I'm not sure I can either." He looked at his little brother and pulling him by the elbow said, "Come on. Let's go inside."

***7***

It was completely dark now, and so cold. Guthrie realized he had lost his bearings. He was no longer sure he was headed in the direction of home. He was soaked through to the bone, and shivered uncontrollably. He knew that he need to find some kind of shelter, or he'd never make it. He stopped trying to move in the direction of home, but rather became determined to get somewhere safe and out of the rain.

_At least it is just a light rain._ He thought glancing up at the sky. It was almost at the exact instant that he thought this, that the heavens opened and it began to rain in earnest.

_Aw, hell! _He thought and began to scoot his way along through the mud hoping to find some kind of shelter.

_I'll never make it until the morning. They are gonna find my body here, or what's left after the bears and coyotes are through, and then, Adam's gonna kill me._ Guthrie sighed, and somehow managed to keep himself moving and all the way praying for a miracle.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam leaned on the table looking at Hannah. The candle light flickered giving her skin a warm golden glow. She was so beautiful and he wanted to reach out and run his hand along her soft, alabaster skin. He wished that they had decided on room service. She lifted her fork but paused, "What is it? You don't like it?" She asked seeing his food was still untouched.

"Huh?" He asked. _Food? What food?_ He thought. "No, it's fine. I . . ." He reached for her hand and she smiled. "I was thinking of our wedding night."

She laughed then. "Nothing more romantic than chasing after smelly cows!"

"You were such a good sport." He sighed.

"Romantic talk like that, really Adam, someone might hear!"

He laughed too, remembering after a night of chasing down the cows, seeing her there curled asleep so beautiful; his. Opening her eyes, she had smiled just seeing him and he lay down, exhausted resting his head on her arm, blissfully happy, thinking how much he wanted to kiss her. And then he was asleep.

"I just mean . . ." He blushed realizing again that romance wasn't his strong suit, but seeing her now so lovely thinking of all the ways his life was better because of her, he rose impulsively.

"What are you . . ."

He got down on one knee beside her, feeling the eyes of everyone in the restaurant on him. He took her soft hand in his.

"Hannah Joy, every single second of my life is better just because I know you. You are the sweetest, most beautiful girl in all the earth. I could never, ever be without you - I swear it girl, without you - my heart would just stop! I want to spend every single day with you, forever. Would you marry me?"

She knew everyone was staring at them, but she only saw Adam. _Her cowboy._ She couldn't imagine a life without him now. It would be like losing a piece of herself; the deepest, truest part of herself.

"Yes!" She said without hesitation and rising threw her arms around him. He leaned in and kissed her. There was a cheer and the sound of applause filled the restaurant. Breaking away from him, she glanced over his shoulder, blushing. Everyone was watching them. She buried her face in his shoulder whispering, "Adam, you are crazy."

"You make me crazy." He whispered back kissing her again. "I love you." He said, loving watching her beautiful smile appear, her cheeks pink.

The restaurant brought them a beautiful heart shaped dessert, and a total stranger paid for their dinner.

"Adam!" She exclaimed when the waiter told them. She waited until the waiter walked away and said, "We better do some serious charity work to make up for this! It is sort of like lying!"

"Are you crazy?" He grinned at her. "I'm proposing every time we go out!" She shook

her head at him, and they left, her hand firmly in his.

They walked back to the inn close together under a light sprinkling of rain. It was only a few blocks and neither seemed to mind the cold. It was just as they reached their little cottage that it began to pour. Holding tightly to her hand, they ran together and she huddled close to him as he opened the door. He pushed the door open and turning to her, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. They stood for a brief moment after just looking into each other's eyes. Adam was not a man for words and he had no vocabulary to express all that their shared look contained. Ever the man of action, he set aside words and lifted her up into his arms and with more grace than you would expect from a rancher man, he carried his bride over the threshold determined that no missing cows, or jealous brothers would interfere with this night.

***7***

Guthrie lay exhausted under a small cluster of bushes. He'd dragged himself under the bushes not even feeling any scratches. It helped protect him from the rain a little. Only his feet stuck out. He felt as though he'd been dragging himself along the ground for hours but he had no way to really tell. He lay back flat against the wet earth. His hands were so cold they ached; everything ached.

Closing his eyes, he was swept up in a memory. He was tucked warm in Adam's bed. Hannah hovered over him fussing. He didn't mind at all. He'd been sick, something in the creek water had made him sick.

"Hannah?" He'd said opening his eyes.

"Hey, Guth." She said softly. She sat beside him on the bed, running gentle fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." He said remembering how sharp he'd been with her.

"Oh," She paused and her voiced sounded funny. "Don't you fret over that. You were sick. You are sick, Guth." She leaned over and kissed his forehead and to his embarrassment he began to cry, like a small child.

"Shhh," She said moving to sit behind him so he lay in her arms. "Hush now. It's okay."

He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. He felt safe. He felt secure. He felt beloved.

_This must be what it feels like to have a mother. _ He thought as he drifted back to sleep to the sound of Hannah singing softly over him.

Thinking of her now, pained him deeper than any of his injuries. He longed for her to be beside him gently tending to all his wounds. He could never understand why Brian had seemed annoyed with her. He wasn't sure at first about having a girl around the house, but she was really nice to him. And even if she did make him pick up the house and take a bath every single day, he was happier with her there. He had grown up loved; all his brothers loved and cared for him and he knew it. He was no neglected child, but with Hannah it was different. He couldn't explain it if he tried. He just knew she made him happy.

He began to cry, exhausted, alone and afraid. He thought of his brothers and how worried they

must be. He hated causing worry. He wished he were tiny still and that Adam were rocking him to sleep before tucking him into a warm bed. He didn't even try then, to keep from crying but wept his tears hidden by the rain.


	6. Chapter 6

Crane McFadden was soaked through to the skin. If he hadn't been so worried, he might have felt the cold, but as it was he could only think of Guthrie. He was half terrified/half furious and was hoping that when everything was sorted out he could lean heavily on the later, rather than the former. He glanced over at his brother Daniel, who rode at his side searching along the creek bed. Daniel looked absolutely miserable.

The combed the riverbank in the deep fog of pre-dawn, hoping NOT to find anything. Daniel had been pretty quiet since it became clear that Guthrie hadn't just lost track of time as he so often did. They would be sitting down to dinner, and inevitably Hannah would look up and say, "Where's Guthrie?" Then about five or ten minutes later, he would come slinking in - generally filthy and sheepishly apologize. After dinner, he would face his punishment good-naturedly, standing at Hannah's side washing the dishes. Crane had begun to suspect that Guthrie was late on purpose, just so he could have an excuse to spend a few minutes alone with their sister-in-law.

There was no doubt that they all loved Hannah dearly now, even Brian who had been so reluctant, angry and frightened. But over time, she had worn even his gruffest brother down, and he probably loved her as much as Guthrie. Guthrie had taken an instant liking to her, and they had all marveled at it. Their baby brother with a mother at last. That alone would have won Crane over, if he had needed to be won over, but Hannah was kind and good. They had all been impressed that Adam had managed to convince such a high quality woman to marry him, and then when they'd realized he'd left all of them out of the picture, they'd felt sorry for her. Crane fully expected her to turn on her heel and go straight back to town, but she hadn't. He couldn't imagine what state she'd be in right now, if she knew that Guthrie was lost out in the dark and in the rain. He was still second-guessing their decision to not call Adam and Hannah. Chances were good that Guthrie would be fine, but if not Adam would be enraged. He sighed.

"We got another mile, and then we should turn back to base and see what's next." He said to Daniel who nodded silently. "Hey, Daniel, come on. He probably got playing and decided to wait out the storm."

"Shut up, Crane." Daniel said his voice cold as the rain that fell all around them. "I threw him out of the barn. He just wanted to listen. He just wanted to be a part of it."

"Yeah, but little brothers are annoying sometimes." Crane said slowing his horse and reaching over and pulling on Daniel's reigns so that his horse stopped too. "So sometimes big brothers lose their tempers. We've all survived it. Guthrie will too."

"Everything doesn't always turn out alright, remember." Daniel said meeting Crane's eyes.

"Most of them time, they do." Crane said. "I've got one little brother that I got to worry about, Danny. I don't need to waste time trying to reassure another one who's too busy feeling guilty and sorry for himself to focus on the task at hand."

Daniel sighed then, suppressing a sob. "Crane, I'm . . ."

"No, I was kind of harsh. I'm the one who's sorry."

"No, you are right. It is easier to feel sorry for myself, than to really think about what may have happened. Come on, let's go check up to that bend there. And then you are right, we need to get back and check at base. Besides, you are soaked through. You'll need dry clothes." Daniel sat up taller in his saddle and rode ahead of Crane, calling out Guthrie's name as he did.

***7***

Adam sat back from his plate of breakfast food. Hannah smiled at him over her cup of coffee suppressing a laugh.

"What?" He asked.

She indicated the plates in front of him. "Get enough to eat honey?" She asked. "I didn't quite finish my muffin."

"I skipped dinner you know. I was too busy being romantical and proposing to you, AGAIN." It was true though. He had eaten an omelet, two pancakes, six pieces of bacon, four pieces of toast, and he reached across the table to take her muffin which she had barely touched. "Thank you." He said with a smile.

"It was very nice. I supposed you earned a good breakfast." She winked at him and he blushed.

"You want anything else?" The waitress asked coming up just then.

"He was wondering if you have any pie." Hannah said smiling up at the girl whose eyes grew wide.

"We might have a dutch apple. I'll go check." She disappeared, and Adam shook his head at her.

"Hannah, I can't eat another bite. And your dutch apple is better than anyone's."

"Oh, no. She went to go check. You can't waste her time like that. Now, you have to eat some pie. I don't care if it is blueberry. You are eating it. We'll just run you over to the emergency room soon as you are finished." She grinned at him. He was allergic to blueberries.

"We got one slice left." The waitress said setting it down in front of Adam. "You want some ice cream with that?"

"No, thank you." Adam said politely.

"Thank you so much." Hannah said.

"You want anything else?" The waitress asked Hannah.

"Oh, I'm fine." She said taking a sip of her coffee. "I just enjoy watching him eat." She winked at Adam as sighing he lifted his fork. The waitress walked away shaking her head. Hannah watched her stop and talk to one of the other waitresses who glanced their way.

"Eat up, honey. You are becoming famous."

"What do you mean?" He glanced behind him where she was looking.

"They are talking about your ability to eat."

"Hannah, this pie is terrible. You owe me for this." He glanced behind him and saw that now all three waitresses were huddled together. "Maybe they just think I'm good looking." He said to his wife.

Her face darkened. "You could be right." She frowned at the waitresses who were dispersing. "They better not even try and flirt with you. I'm in a mood. I'll start a fight."

He laughed. "You mind your manners, Hannah. I can't help it if I am beautiful."

"Uh oh, get ready. One is coming over now." He set his fork down, and turned his best smile on the girl.

"Um, sorry to bother you, but we were wondering if we could take your picture." She asked nervously, and he watched Hannah stiffen, and put a hand on her arm.

"My picture?" He asked.

"Yeah, only one other person has ever finished the entire farmhand omelet before." She pointed behind Hannah's head at a picture of a very large man. "It is kind of a tradition."

"Oh, yes!" Hannah said smiling. "We would love that! Go right, ahead."

The girl pulled out a camera and snapped a picture of Adam holding his empty plate. As she walked away Hannah began to hum happily.

"Hannah Joy." He said sternly.

"What?" She asked innocently.

He sighed. "Drink your coffee, girl." He shook his head and ate the rest of his pie.

***7***

The light of dawn improved Guthrie's spirits until he realized that he was still miles and miles from home. His knee had stopped bleeding but it was badly swollen and stiff. He dragged himself out from beneath the bushes and looked around to see if he could fashion himself a crutch. He thought he might be able to put some weight on his knee. He found a branch that might do, and began slowly to pull himself up. He felt an intense searing pain, and drew in a deep breath of air. Man, was he hungry. He would eat just about anything now. His lunch at school had been small and he had no dinner last night. He sighed thinking of Hannah's dutch apple pie. He bet he could talk her into making one, just as soon as he got home.

He could see now that his roll down the ravine and into the canyon, took him out of their own ranch and into the nearby National forest. This was both good and bad. It meant that his brothers might not be looking for him that far yet which was bad, but there was chance he could run into a park ranger, which was good. He couldn't make the climb back up the ravine, so he had no choice but to continue forward, parallel to Circle Bar Seven, and hope someone would come along.

He could move a little faster now, hunched over, leaning on the stick and dragging his bad ankle behind him. It was exhausting however. His fingers were icy cold. Actually he was icy cold all over. Although the sun was beginning to rise, it was still bitter cold, and he could see dark clouds on the horizon. He hoped he would be found before the next storm rolled in. He was looking up at the sky and so missed the tiny gopher hole in the ground. He put his stick right in it and the stick sank throwing him completely off balance. The full weight of his body slammed into his knee and he cried out in pain, falling to the ground and losing consciousness.

***7***

"We should call 'em Brian." Crane said drinking some hot coffee. They stood together where the sheriff's department had set up a base near the north edge of their property.

"They are coming home today. Should be here this afternoon." Brian said. "What's the point now? You want Adam driving 110 miles per hour home?"

"No, but he's gonna be pissed." Crane said.

"Yeah." Brian said. "I don't want to even talk about her."

"Oh, you better get ready for it pal. This was your idea and I'm going to gladly sell you out when she comes after us." Crane said seriously. He wasn't kidding either, not one bit.

Brian sighed. Adam would yell and get red in the face. He'd lecture him and maybe freeze him out for awhile. He could handle that. He'd faced it before. The thought of Hannah angry, on the other hand, terrified him.

"What happened to brothers always come first?" He asked Crane.

"To hell with that!" Crane said.

"Listen, we'll find Guthrie. It's daylight. Then they'll be so happy, they won't have time to come after us."

"What do you mean us?" Crane said and Brian shook his head at him.

"It's me they should come after." Daniel said joining them.

"We already had that conversation." Crane said. His voice held irritation, but he put a hand on Daniel's shoulder, squeezing gently.

"No, little brother's right. We'll let Hannah go after him. You can handle it, can't you Dan'l?" Brian grinned at Daniel who shook his head.

"Forget it. I changed my mind." He sighed. "I can't believe we haven't found him."

"Yeah." Brian said suddenly serious.

"You get dry clothes? You eat something?" Crane asked Daniel who nodded. "Okay, we are going to head towards the National Forest. Maybe he got out there somewhere. I'm gonna go check on Evan and Ford first. I'll meet you at the horses." He turned toward the house where his little brothers waited. He looked up into the morning sky, grateful for the light, but saw the dark clouds in the distance promising more rain.

"_Please God,"_ He whispered. _"Keep Guthrie safe and bring him home to us."_


	7. Chapter 7

The harrow had been returned late and as a result it was nearly dark by the time they'd picked it up. It had rained all through the afternoon, but had stopped and now a bitter cold was settling in. They loaded up the new harrow and Hannah bid Allen a cheerful good-bye.

"Here." He said handing her a jar. "My wife's strawberry jam. It's the best you'll ever taste."

Hannah's eyes widened surprised. "Adding it to the deal?" She asked.

"Wedding present." He shook her outstretched hand but laughing she kissed his cheek. "Listen," He said seriously, "My wife has a cousin. He's a banker and makes good money. He's not as pretty as Adam here, but he is kind and has only one sister."

"I ought to flatten you!" Adam said. "You stay away from my girl!"

He put an arm around Hannah leading her away.

"We can talk about your cousin when it is time for a new tractor." Hannah said over her shoulder. "Looks aren't everything."

"Oh no! New tractor!" Allen paled at the thought of negotiating with her again. "Adam bring one of your brothers next time. I miss Crane!"

Adam laughed. "Not a chance pal."

He opened the door and Hannah climbed up into the truck. He smiled at her and said, "Listen, I've decided to go ahead and keep ya. You seem like you could come in handy." She laughed. He climbed up into the driver's seat.

"Back to real life." He said leaning over to give her a kiss as he started the truck.

"I miss the boys." She said.

"I don't." He grinned at her.

***7***

Guthrie opened his eyes and found himself muddy and wet. He knew he ought to try and rise but he was too damn tired.

_I give up._

He felt a shame wash over him as he could remember the million if times his brothers had told him that McFaddens never quit. He was sick of crying. His head hurt and he longed for nothing else than to be warm. He reached into his jacket pocket finding his hall pass from school two days ago. _School. _ It seemed like a billion years ago that he'd been in class. He found the small stub of a pencil deep in his pocket.

_I'm sorry_. He wrote. _I'm just so tired. I tried really hard to get back but my knee hurt so bad and my ankle was a wreck. I wanted to say I love you. You took really good care of me; all of you. I wanted to say Adam, that I really appreciate all you had to give up. I wish I could grow up to be just like you. You are the best brothers anyone could ever have. I wanted to say that I'm so glad Hannah came and that I wish I'd known you my whole life long. You are so_

The pencil snapped. _Damn._ He pulled himself a few more yards so that he could lean against a tree and watch the sun sink; watch his own sun sink. Maybe he would be with his parents at last. He tucked the note into his pocket hoping they'd find it later. He closed his eyes surrendering and as he did, he could imagine the sound of his brothers calling his name.

"Guthrie!" Crane's voice was hoarse. "Guthrie!"

"Crane!" Daniel called out. "What is that?" He pointed to a distant tree. They leaned in and rode hard toward the dim figure in the distance.

Daniel jumped off his horse and ran, falling to his knees at his little brother's side. "Guthrie!" He pulled off his parka, wrapping it around Guthrie. Crane ran up beside him, dropping to the earth in the darkening forest.

"Fire the flare, Daniel." Crane said through tears. He lifted Guthrie up and into his arms. It was just like carrying a block of ice. Daniel lifted the flare gun firing up into the sky, the bright light shining for all to see like a ray of hope.

***7***

Adam had insisted they stop for a late super, and as result they were headed home much later than Hannah would've liked. She stopped at a payphone to call home and let the brothers know that it would likely be the middle of the night by the time they reached home.

"Hello." Ford said.

"Ford!" Hannah said joyfully.

_Oh, crap!_ Ford thought. He looked around for Evan, but he was outside talking to one of the sheriff's deputies.

"How is everyone?" Hannah asked.

"Fff fine." Ford hesitated.

"Oh good. Well, we left really late, and won't be home probably 'til after midnight. Don't stay up. Is Guthrie around?"

"No, he isn't right now." Ford answered truthfully.

"Oh, well, you tell him I asked for him. I missed all of you." She said and Ford felt his stomach sink.

"We missed you too."

"You alright? You sound funny, hon." She said.

"I'm fine. Just a bad connection maybe." He said hating himself.

"Oh, that's probably it." She said. "Well, we will see you soon. Tell everyone we called."

Ford set the phone back on the receiver and sank into the couch. _Well, that's it. _ He thought. It was nice being someone Hannah loved. There's no way she'll trust me after this. He sighed and went outside to see what had happened with Evan. He was surprised to see everyone shouting and jumping around.

"What is it?" He said to Marie who was hugging a woman who had been in one of the search parties.

"They found him!" She said hugging Ford. "Daniel and Crane are bringing him back now! Go out to where your brothers are!"

Ford ran all out to his brothers who were a cluster in the distance. Seeing him the circle opened and he joined in the celebration.

***7***

Adam glanced at Hannah beside him. She had fallen asleep and lay with her head against the seat, her face toward him. He smiled grateful that they had these two days with just the two of them together. Even the simple act of shopping for a new harrow was good because she was with him. He sighed and looked at the road ahead. The night was deep and dark, and his heartbeat picked up a little bit. _This feels familiar._ He thought. The road ahead twisted unpredictably and suddenly he realized why it felt familiar. He shuddered. _It is just like that dream._

He drew in a deep breath trying to calm himself, but found it becoming difficult to breathe. He broke out in a cold sweat. His hands shook as a thick fog began to roll in. He thought of waking Hannah, but realized how pathetic he would sound. What would he tell her? I'm scared! It would be too embarrassing. He focused on the road ahead every single muscle tense. and he jerked the wheel accidentally, his sweaty palms making his hands slippery. The fog became thicker, and he found it difficult to breathe. He jerked the truck suddenly, his hands slipping on the steering wheel.

"Adam?" Hannah said waking up. She looked over at her husband who gripped the steering wheel tightly. His face was grey and he sounded as though he were hyperventilating.

"Adam! Pull over!" Her voice was stern. He could not tell if it were real or a dream but he pulled the truck over to a stop. His breath was raged. Hannah climbed out of the truck and coming around to his side, she stood on the running board and opening the door, pried his hands free of the steering wheel. Gently she swung his legs to the right so he faced the open door, the cold outside air hitting his skin which was skimmed over with sweat.

"Put your head down." She said. "Think about slowing your heart rate. Concentrate. Slow down." She had one hand on his arm, the other on the top of his head. Her fingers gentle stroked his hair. "Easy now. Shh. That's it. Breath, baby. Just breathe." She said. "That's better."

"I . . .I . . ." He gasped out. "What . . ."

"Don't try to talk, hon. Adam, it's okay. You are having a panic attack. Just think about slowing down your heart beats. Don't talk. You are going to be fine. You got this. It's okay."

He did as she said focusing in. He felt his racing heart begun to slow. He concentrated on slowing each breath and the sound of her voice strong and steady. It felt like an eternity but after a half hour of steady focus, he felt calm. He was, however, exhausted. He couldn't believe how exhausted he felt.

"Better?" She asked and he nodded his head. His eyes filled with tears and he looked away embarrassed. "Hey," She said gently. "It's okay. Shh." She reached with gentle fingers and stroked his cheek. "There's a water there. Drink hon." She told him, and he was grateful that she gave him something to do. He reached and with shaking fingers lifted the water bottle, drinking the water. She leaned against the door shivering with cold.

"I'm better." He said looking up at last. "Baby, you're freezing. Get in the truck." He scooted over to make room and she climbed in beside him, closing the door. He reached for her hands which were icy cold.

"What happened?" She asked as he rubbed her fingers trying to warm them. He kept his eyes down feeling a shame wash over him. He couldn't believe he'd lost it; all over a stupid dream that had haunted him for years and years.

"I . . ." He wasn't sure he could express it. "It's that damn dream I always have. You know?" he looked up at her, his eyes wide. She nodded. But he said nothing more for a long time. She waited.

"Brian said you've never told him about the dream either." He looked up embarrassed to think that his wife and his brother had discussed his nightmare.

"I . . .I'm . . ." He sighed. "It is really hard to talk about it." She held on to his hand.

"Remember when I told you about my dad?" She said softly. "I never told anyone that, Adam. Never." She looked up at him. Her brown eyes were filled with tears. "There's nothing you can't tell me."

He studied her, and could still see her, hunched down confessing that her father used to hit her mother, and her. He'd been so angry that he couldn't even breathe - imagining her tiny, frightened hiding in her closet from her drunken father's fists. He reached out and ran a shaking hand along the line of her cheek. He kissed her forehead and nodding, he swallowed and slowly began.

"I'm driving and it's late. I'm sleepy and it is so foggy." She glanced out the window as he spoke. The truck had been swallowed up in a thick fog.

"And I can't stop myself. I know I shouldn't be driving. I'm tired and I can't see anything. But I can't stop it. Then all of the sudden, I cross the white line and I hit them. I can see them; See their faces as I hit them. My mom's eyes are so filled with fear."

"Adam! Oh, honey!" She moved closer to him, one arm wrapped around him.

"Then it changes and I'm walking through the wreck. They are dead and so bloody. And I keep walking and everyone is there; my brothers. All of my brothers are dead too." He drew in a deep breath and felt his heart begin to race again. He focused again on remaining calm. "But I can't find you. I'm running and looking. Then I find you and you are so pale. You are holding onto Guthrie. You are both bloody. Everyone, all my heart . . ." He could not speak. He swallowed. "Everyone I love is gone, and it is my fault. I'm left all alone."

"Adam. I'm sorry." She said and she pulled him into her arms. He was shaking. She held him tightly to her. After a long, long time, he sat up and looked at her.

"It sounds sort of dumb now that I've said it out loud." He said wiping his eyes.

"No, it doesn't." She said. "It sounds horrible." She looked into the darkness just beyond the safety of the truck. She reached behind the seat and pulled out a sleeping bag that was tucked there. Crane had made sure every vehicle had an emergency kit. She wrapped the sleeping bag around them both.

"What are you doing?" He asked her.

"We can wait 'til dawn to drive home. The fog is too thick." She said.

"I'm not a baby, Hannah. I can drive it." He said, but the very idea of driving through the fog with her in the car terrified him. What if the dream was prophetic?

"I don't want too, Adam." She said. "_I'm_ too scared! You can't even see the road ahead. Don't make me, please." She looked up at him with wide innocent eyes.

He said nothing, ashamed that his eyes had filled again with tears, and swallowing them down, he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him leaning fully into the kiss and after, he leaned his forehead against hers, saying nothing but lifting up a silent prayer of thanks that he had not been doomed to spend his life alone.

He sat up and still holding her in his arms, he looked her straight in the eyes saying, "I'm so glad you said yes, Hannah. You can't know how glad I am."

"Not half as glad as I am." She said grinning at him. He smiled back at her.

"I guess the only problem we have now is what to do with all this time we got, waiting for the sun to rise." He raised his eyebrows at her mischievously.

"Crane said you were first in your class." She said and he nodded. "You are awfully smart, then. I bet you can think of something." He laughed and leaning forward he kissed her until the morning sun rose, dissipating all the fog just as her loving acceptance had dispersed all his hidden fears.


	8. Chapter 8

Guthrie opened his eyes and found he was warmly tucked into bed. The lights overhead were unfamiliar, though and he turned his head to look around. He saw Brian then, sitting beside him in a chair.

"Brian?" He croaked out, his voice was hoarse and raspy. His chest ached.

"Guth!" Brian said surprised. "You are awake. How you feeling buddy?" He leaned over his baby brother, giving him a kiss.

"Not so good. Pretty stupid actually." He said quietly. Brian poured him a glass of water.

"Here, drink this." He helped Guthrie sit up and the water felt cool going down his sore throat.

"Where am I?" Guthrie asked, feeling stupid as soon as he asked it. He was clearly in the hospital.

"The hospital." Brian said. "But you are okay. We'll take you home tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Brian." Guthrie said sadly.

"What on earth were you doing out there?"

"I don't know. I was lonesome and after Daniel kicked me out, sort of ticked off. I thought I'd catch up to Evan and maybe bug him for awhile. But I took a short cut. It didn't work out so good."

"It didn't work out so well." Brian corrected. "Geez, you scared us! The whole town's been looking for you since Thursday night. Thank God you are okay." He ruffed Guthrie's hair.

"What day is it?" Guthrie asked.

"Friday night. It's about two in the morning. So, I guess it's Saturday." Brian was exhausted. He couldn't believe it had been just two, no three days since Adam had left. It felt like years.

"I thought, I thought I was gonna die out there."

"I bet you were scared, buddy. I'm sorry. You are okay though. You were pretty dehydrated. You've got pneumonia too. They are loading you up with antibiotics, and fluids." He indicated the iv next to Guthrie. "You sprained your ankle and your knee is gonna have a really nasty scar. They would've given you stitches, but too much time has passed."

"I'm so tired." Guthrie said. "I'm so glad to see you Brian. I'm really, really sorry."

"Well, after I'm done being happy you aren't dead, I'm going to be really angry at you." Brian said, but all the while he spoke he ran his hand through Guthrie's hair.

"Okay." Guthrie said. "I figured. Is Adam here?"

"Not yet." Brian said trying not to think about how angry Adam was going to be. "You'll see him tomorrow, buddy."

Guthrie closed his eyes, relieved to be safe; to be warm; to be under his brother's loving gaze. "I wish Hannah were here." He said softly, and Brian sighed thinking how good it was that Guthrie had found a mother at last.

"She'll be with you tomorrow pal." He said leaning down and kissing Guthrie's cheek. "Don't you worry. She'll take really good care of you." _Right after she kills me._ He thought.

***7***

It was just after five in the morning, that Adam drove the truck up the long drive way. He stopped at the mailbox and Hannah reached out to grab the newspaper. She set it in her lap and tried to straighten her hair. She'd fallen asleep as soon as the truck had started moving, and now felt disheveled. Adam fully expected to see Brian out and about doing morning chores, but the place looked pretty empty. As they had passed through the edge of the property line, he could see a white tent flapping in the wind and wondered at it. Perhaps, Daniel had decided to indulge his little brothers, and set up the old camping tent for them. The strange thing, though, was that their tent was green not white.

"Oh, my God! Adam!" Hannah said sharply, looking at the front page of the newspaper that lay in her lap.

"What?" He asked, pulling the truck to a stop in front of the big white house.

"Look!" She said her face pale. She held up the paper so that he could see the front page. His eyes grew wide as he saw a picture of Guthrie laying on a gurney that was being loaded into an ambulance. He looked filthy and horrible.

_Local Boy Found by Brothers!_ It read just below the photograph.

"What the hell?" Adam said. He threw open the door to the truck and ran up the steps and into the house. "Brian! Brian!" He yelled. He paused glancing around the empty house. "Brian!" He yelled again. He turned toward the stairs.

Daniel sat up in his bed hearing someone shouting. _Adam! Oh hell! _He threw back the covers and skidded out into the hallway, almost smashing into Evan, who stared at him with wide, frightened eyes.

"I'm not going down there." Evan said.

Daniel sighed. "I'm the oldest. I'll go."

"We'll all go." Ford said to them and they turned surprised to hear how strong his voice sounded. The brothers turned to head down the stairs together, but Adam was already half way up.

"One of you!" He said, his voice angry, his arm outstretched pointing. "Start talking!"

Daniel swallowed a lump in his throat and said, "He's okay, Adam. Guthrie is okay." He looked past Adam to where Hannah stood looking pale and clutching the newspaper. Daniel could see the picture of Guthrie, and thought, _Oh crap! That's how they knew!_ "Hannah, hey it is okay. Hannah!" He continued. "Adam, she looks like she's gonna faint. Hannah sit down!" Daniel said seeing her sway. She slumped down where she was three steps from the top of the stairs. The room was silent, except for the sound of Hannah's rapid breathing.

Adam turned to her. "You okay?" She nodded weakly. He turned back to Daniel.

"Explain." Adam was past formulating complete sentences.

"I don't know how he got lost, but he went out and didn't come back. We had to go looking for him. He must have fallen. His ankle is sprained and he has a bad cut on his knee. That's why he couldn't walk back home. So he tried to . . . he tried to sort of crawl back, I guess. We found him, though. He's okay. He's got . . ." _Oh, hell_. Daniel thought. _There's no way Guthrie's having pneumonia is gonna sound good. _

"Is he at the hospital?" Hannah asked interrupting him, and quite possibly saving his life.

"Yeah. Crane and Brian are with him. They are sending him home this morning." Daniel said. They stood frozen; all of them. He could see Adam fight down his anger. He wrestled with it before he finally spoke.

"You are in so much trouble." Adam said. He didn't shout it. He whispered it, and Daniel was overwhelmed with terror. Ford took a step back and away from Adam, clearly shaken.

"Adam, let's go." Hannah said rising.

"Okay." He said turning away from them. "We are going to talk later." He turned and headed down the stairs taking Hannah by the hand. She paused for a second, a step above Adam and looked at Ford.

"You lied to me." She said her voice soft. She didn't sound angry. She sounded surprised and hurt. Ford slumped, his face down. He said nothing, and Adam and Hannah left.

They stood where they were still frozen. The room had exploded with noise but was now silent again. Daniel sighed deeply and turned toward Evan who looked at him with wide eyes.

"Ford's crying." Evan said and Daniel turned toward his brother.

"Hey," He said putting an arm around Ford. "It will be alright. Don't worry. She'll forgive you."

"I didn't want to lie to her, but . . ." He said sobbing. "I didn't know what to say, and everyone else was gone. Did you see her face?" He looked up at Daniel, clearly tortured.

"I know. I know, Ford. It's gonna be okay. I promise it." He hugged Ford tightly to him. "Just be glad you aren't Brian or Crane." He said.

"Adam's gonna kill them." Evan said coming to stand on the other side of Ford, his arm around him too.

"I wouldn't be worried about Adam, if I were them." Daniel said.

***7***

Brian was signing a release form when he heard his brother's voice. He shrank back and glanced at Crane. "Brace yourself." He said.

"Hell with that. When the time comes, duck. That's a powerful right hook." Crane said.

"Adam won't hit me." Brian said.

"I wasn't talking about Adam." Crane said.

"Where's Guthrie McFadden?" Adam said walking past his brothers and facing the nurse.

"He's . . ." She hesitated unsure. "Who are you?"

"His brother and legal guardian." Adam stretched himself to his full height and Brian could have laughed if he wasn't so terrified. Adam was good at being intimidating.

"This way." She said and Adam followed her. Hannah glanced at them briefly as she passed them and the look she gave Brian was more powerful than any blow she could have dealt out. Brian wished then, with all of his heart, that she _had_ hit him. It would have been kinder than that look of anger and disdain.

He sighed and turning to Crane who looked just as miserable said, "Well, here we go." Crane nodded and they both sat in the plastic chairs patiently awaiting their doom.


	9. Chapter 9

Guthrie cared about nothing else at this particular moment. He was enveloped in both Adam and Hannah's arms. They had fairly stormed his room just as a nurse had finished giving him a shot which hurt but all pain faded as he saw their faces.

"Adam!" He shouted, startling the nurse, and their arms were around him, kissing him.

"You are okay?" Hannah asked and Guthrie was shocked to see she was crying.

"Yeah." He said holding onto her arm. He turned to Adam who cried too. _Holy crap. _He thought and tried to fight down his own tears.

"He is okay?" Adam asked the nurse wiping his face. Guthrie was always impressed with Adam's ability to seem extraordinarily macho while expressing emotions or like now, while crying. Only Adam could make weeping over his baby brother seem like the act of a tough guy.

"He'll be fine. He was dehydrated and has pneumonia due to exposure. We pumped him full of antibiotics. That's a nasty sprain but he's okay. I just gave him a tetanus shot. No adventures for a bit, okay Guthrie?" She said.

Guthrie nodded from inside Hannah's arms. "You're Hannah," The nurse said smiling. "He's been asking for you since they brought him in; even asleep he was calling for you." Hannah glanced up at Adam, tears shinning in her beautiful eyes, her arms around Guthrie protectively. He nodded at her chewing the inside of his lip tamping down his anger.

_Why hadn't Brian called them?_

"We were out of town." He explained clearing his throat. "Word didn't reach us." Hannah's hurt look pained him and intensified his anger.

_He's been asking for you._

_"_I'll leave you with your family, Guthrie. They'll bring a wheelchair so you can go home, but straight to bed." She patted his shoulder. "'Course I doubt your Mom here is gonna let you out of her site for awhile."

"Oh," Hannah began. "I'm not his . . ."

The nurse cut her off. "I know who you are. But yeah, you are. " She looked up at Adam who stood beside Guthrie and Hannah with an arm around them both. "Guthrie's been waiting for his mom and dad since they brought him in. It is a real pleasure meeting you." She left and Adam choked down a sob realizing how true her words were.

"They never called us, Guth." He explained horrified to think Guthrie had called for them and they weren't there.

"Crane told me." Guthrie said. "I knew it though. You wouldn't not come to me."

"Nothing would keep me away, buddy." Adam said kissing the top of his head.

"No way." Guthrie agreed with a smile.

"No chance in hell!" Hannah said shocking both her husband and little brother.

"Hannah!" Guthrie said surprised, "No cursing!"

"Sorry cowboy," She said through tears. "It's been a rough morning."

"You got that right, girl!" Adam said hugging them both close.

***7***

Brian and Crane sat still slumped in the chairs when Adam and Hannah emerged with Guthrie between them in a wheelchair pushed by a nurse. Crane reached out and hit Brian's arm. "Here they come." He said and they both rose.

"Adam," Brian began.

"Not now." Adam said his voice icy and tight. "Let's get Guthrie home." He did not meet Brian's gaze.

"Yeah, okay." Brian said feeling frightened. He hadn't felt like this in years and years. He remembered suddenly standing in front of his father trying to explain why the truck had scratch down its side.

"Here." Adam said slamming a bag into Crane's arms. It held Guthrie's clothes, filthy, bloodstained and torn. "We'll see you at the house."

The moved past them, and Crane felt shattered realizing that Hannah hadn't looked at him, or said a single word to him. He sighed deeply, standing beside Brian in the empty hallway watching as Adam, Hannah and Guthrie stepped out into the bright morning.

"Brian," He began.

"Yeah," Brian said. "You are right." He sighed again. "At least Guthrie's okay. That's all that really matters, right."

Crane nodded and they walked out to the jeep. They climbed in, and Brian put the key in the ignition but didn't turn it. He sat still and looking down.

"They thing is," He said at last, his voice sadder than Crane had ever heard it. "We hurt her. You can see it." He looked up at Crane. "I thought her being angry would be terrible, but this, this is worse."

Crane reached out and squeezed his arm. "Yeah, I know."

***7***

They got Guthrie settled in Adam and Hannah's bed. Adam had carried him into the house and stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting as Daniel, Evan and Ford gathered around him.

"Guthrie." Daniel said. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"That's okay." Guthrie said. "I was stupid for running off like I did. You were right. I was being obnoxious." Daniel sighed and a tear escaped making a long track down his cheek.

"Let me carry him up." Daniel said looking up at Adam.

Adam looked at Daniel. It was hard for him not to picture him as a little boy. Daniel had struggled during the years following their parent's deaths. They all had, but for Daniel it had been very difficult. Adam was used to seeing him as something very fragile, and he did even now. He knew whatever had happened, Daniel felt guilty. He nodded his head, and passed Guthrie over into Daniel's arms.

"Watch his knee." He told him, and he and Hannah followed them up the stairs, his brothers trailing behind. They tucked him into bed, and Hannah fussed over him, making sure he had enough blankets; enough pillows; was it too bright? too dark?

Guthrie was exhausted just from the drive home, and he fought to keep his eyes open. He was so happy to be home again; Happy to be in a warm, soft, familiar bed.

"Go to sleep, cowboy." Hannah said softly, seeing him fight to stay awake. "Everyone will still be here when you wake up." She kissed his forehead, and sat beside him, humming softly.

Daniel watched her, amazed and more sorry than ever that they hadn't called Adam and Hannah when Guthrie was first missing. He looked over at Adam and was not surprised to see his big brother had tears in his eyes as he watched his wife gently, lovingly mother Guthrie.

"He's sleeping." Brian said from the doorway, with Crane beside him. They were all crammed into the bedroom, and anyone looking in from outside would think it a loving and touching family scene, unaware of tension that bubbled just below the surface.

"Everybody out." Hannah said without looking up from Guthrie. "You boys are gonna tangle, and you better do it downstairs." She said.

"Hannah," Crane began.

"Not with me. You talk to him." She indicated Adam to her left. "I haven't got an ounce left in me to face it just now. You settle it with him. I'll stay here with Guthrie."

They all began to move silently from the room, Adam pausing just long enough to lean over and kiss her on the forehead. She turned then and faced all of them - her five brothers, who stood riddled with guilt looking back at her.

"I'm not angry, well I'm more than angry; mostly I'm just confused and hurt. I just don't understand it." Her eyes filled with tears and it felt like a blow - harder than any hit Brian had ever, ever taken from anyone. "You should have . . ." Her voice failed her. "Work it out with him." She said again. "Me and Adam are one person, so at least you'll only have to make us understand it once. You make it right with him, and we're good too."

They nodded at her and filed down the stairs in complete silence, Adam last out of the room, closed the door behind him, but not before he looked at her and asked, "You okay, girl?" She shook her head at him, the light from outside making the edge of her curls shine as they bounced. "Not just yet. You fix it for me."

"It's a promise, girl."

***7***

Adam stepped down off the last step and turned to them. They all sat looking absolutely miserable and he would've laughed, if he weren't so angry. It would have been enough that they had left him out - not calling and telling him about Guthrie, but they had hurt Hannah, deeply. Her pain compound his anger a million times. And all the while he kept hearing it over and over in his head.

_He was asking for you_.

He stood silent in front of them, and his jaw ached. He turned his head from side to side, stretching his sore neck. He'd slept cramped in the truck, only to come home to turmoil, and a baby brother who was sick and injured.

"I don't want to yell." He began. "I don't want to . . ." He stopped himself feeling a rage getting away from him. "Explain to me. Brian, explain why you didn't think Guthrie being lost and hurt was important enough to call us." His voice was so sharp and bitter that Brian didn't even recognize it.

"Adam, it wasn't like that." Brian began realizing that he already wasn't off to a good start.

"Then tell me what it was like, brother! He was lost for thirty-seven hours! I read about it in the paper! _She_ read about it in the paper!" He pointed upstairs to where Hannah sat with their baby brother.

"Adam!" Brian said. "We thought at first, he'd just lost track of time, and then we were in the middle of it; looking for him."

"Someone was home. We checked in twice. She talked to you!" He said pointing to Ford, who shrunk down. Evan moved over, and sat in front of Ford protectively.

"Leave him out of it, Adam! He did what Brian and Crane told him to do! He wanted to tell you!" Evan raised his voice, and Adam stepped closer, the vein on his neck bulging.

"Is that true? Ford?" Adam said, but his voice was loud and angry, and Ford couldn't speak. He clung to Evan's arm hiding his face. Adam spun around and faced his oldest brothers.

"You aren't boys! You are grown men! Hannah's reminding me of that all the time when I try to baby you! You made him lie to me? You made him lie to her?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you stupid? He hates lying! You know that! Hell, I don't think he's ever told a single lie, have you Ford? Why? So we didn't know you'd messed up? You were trying to cover your asses?" He spun away from them, afraid he would actually hit his brothers. He stormed out into the cold morning air and stood fuming on the front porch. It was late morning but still so icy cold, and he realized that Guthrie had been out in it, wet and hurt, just twelve hours ago. He felt a powerful need to smash something and turned, nearly running down the steps and walking around the side of the house, he began to furiously chop firewood.

He knew Crane was standing beside him, but didn't stop or acknowledge him. He continued to slam the ax into the wood watching it split before reaching for another piece. Crane watched him for a few minutes and then slowly began to stack the pieces that Adam cut. They went on for this for a good half hour until Adam was drenched in sweat. He stopped then, setting the ax aside and leaning against the tall pile of wood, now made even taller from his anger.

"He was really mopey the first day. I never realized how much he depended on her. He was homesick and you weren't gone twelve hours." Crane said. "Then on the second day, Daniel's band was practicing in the barn and I had to get that feed order done. I knew I should check in with him, but I was busy. So I didn't. I guess he hung around Daniel, but Daniel threw him out. We all sat down for dinner and he wasn't there. We thought he was in the barn because the band was still there. But he wasn't. We thought, he'd lost track of time, you know, like he does. But then the rain started." Crane looked down at his feet.

"We called Ed, and started searching. I just wanted to wait. I thought, he's just off somewhere. I couldn't bear the thought of her worrying. She would've been so . . .and the next thing I know, the whole town's here and all I can think about is him. He was always so small and the way he would cling to you, remember?" Crane was crying now. "God, Adam, I'm so sorry. You can't know how sorry. It was stupid! It was so wrong!"

Adam looked away. "When I was fifteen, I left Ford at the mercantile, and went to the movies. He was three. Mom told me to watch him, and I forgot. I was talking to Jimmy and he told me that a bunch of guys were going to the movies. I just went. Didn't even think about it, until the movie let out! God, I panicked then. I knew mom would kill me! I ran back to the mercantile and he was gone. They'd called mom, and she had come and got him. I couldn't for the life of me go home. What was I gonna say to her?"

"I don't remember that." Crane said.

"I stayed away for hours. Dad finally came and got me. I remember seeing him in the old red pickup. I was so afraid to walk over there, but more afraid of him coming out and getting me."

"What did he do?"

"He waited. God, Dad was the most patient man, and he was so smart. I was such a jackass that whole last year. I regret it so much. I kept acting like I knew everything and he had nothing to teach me anymore." Adam shook his head thinking about it. "Anyway, I climbed up into that old truck and he didn't say anything at all. The whole drive home was quiet. Finally, we got to the house and he said, 'Everyone gets stupid every now and then, Junior. I once reached my hand out to pick up a running table saw - I was inches from cutting my hand clean off! Just try and keep your stupid times away from women - especially pregnant ones.'" Adam looked up at Crane. "Mom was expecting Guthrie then. He said, 'I'm not gonna lie, Junior. Your Mama's pretty pissed at you right now. You just be a man and don't try to cover it up. Tell you were an idiot - which you were, and that you are sorry - which you are, and let her tide of anger wash over you. She's your Mama, Junior. She can't help but love you, even when you are an idiot.'"

Adam exhaled feeling some of his tension drop away. "The thing is, she didn't yell. She didn't say a word. She just looked kind of sad, and I felt like hell. I made her sad. It was worse than anything, you know?"

"Yeah." Crane said. "God, I'm sorry, Adam."

"What if he had died?" Adam said meeting Crane's eyes. "What if he had fallen over that cliff and broken his neck?"

"I know." Crane said. "I know, Adam. I haven't thought about anything else."

"If we had come home yesterday, he would still have been lost. We would have pulled up to this house and seen the sheriff, search and rescue - Crane it was stupid."

"It wasn't him." Brian said startling them. "It was me. It was my idea. I just didn't want to worry you - it was like Crane said. He is always wandering off."

"Brian! You were in charge!" Adam felt his heart rate pick up.

"Yeah, I was. And I'm taking responsibility for it. Don't be angry with Crane or Ford. I'm the one who screwed up. I'm the jackass."

Adam shook his head looking from Crane to Brian. He turned away from them, and looked out beyond the barn to all the land that stretched and stretched for miles. He could see far in the distance the green line of trees where the National Forest began. He could picture Guthrie hurt, and cold, slowly trying to make his way back.

"If she had been away, visiting friends or something, I wouldn't have called her." He said turning back to them. "Why would I call her? So she can worry? So she can come racing home and maybe get in a wreck?" Brian and Crane looked up at him surprised. "I would've wanted her here, but I wouldn't have called her." He rubbed his face with his hands feeling like he'd been awake for days, just like they had. He couldn't believe it wasn't even noon yet. He looked up at Crane.

"The thing is she's gonna be pretty pissed for awhile. You just be men and accept responsibility for it, and tell her you were stupid, which you were, and tell her how sorry you are - which you are, and you just wait for her tide to of anger to wash over you." Crane smiled at him through tears, and nodded his head at Adam.

"Hannah's family, you assholes, she can't help but love you. Although, to be honest, sometimes I can't figure why." He sighed. "'Course, I can't figure why she loves me either. Lord knows, I've hurt her more than once. I imagine I will again, and so will you." Adam said and reaching out he squeezed Brian's arm, and patted Crane's cheek, as he passed by them and went into the house where his younger brothers stood at the window watching them.

***7***

He gathered the younger ones around him. "Brian and Crane sort of explained things. It was pretty stupid. I'm just glad that Guthrie's okay." He looked over at Daniel who looked miserable.

"It was really my fault, Adam." He said. "If I had just let him sit in on practice. . ."

"But you didn't." Adam said. "You can't change that. And getting annoyed with a little brother is no federal crime, Danny and you know it. As to what happened after, Brian bears the responsibility for that. You boys are supposed to do what he says. So, you got no reason for guilt, Ford. I know you aren't a liar, and so does Hannah." He watched his little brother fight a battle with tears, and he thought again how much Ford reminded him of his mother - gentle, and quiet.

"Hey," He said crossing to where Ford stood staring at the ground. He pulled him into his arms, and discovered Ford was shaking, from head to toe. "Shh." He said holding him tight against his chest.

"I'm so sorry." Ford said sobbing.

"You are forgiven already." Adam said kissing his forehead. He thought again about the wonder of life. The same tragedy that ripped his parents from him, let him spend all these years with his younger brothers - boys he would never really have known if he had gone off to college. "Come on, you're coming up with me." He said to Ford, knowing only one thing would soothe his sweet and sensitive brother.

"I can't." He said. "I'm too ashamed."

"Come on." Adam said and he pulled Ford along with him up the stairs.

Guthrie was completely asleep and Hannah half way there, laying next to him. Adam crossed the room and sat beside her on the bed. Ford stood in the doorway.

"She's asleep, Adam." He said. "Never . . ."

"I'm awake." She sat up and looked at Adam who kissed her. "Okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure you won't have any trouble finding help with chores for a bit, girl." He smiled at her. "This one here is pretty confident you don't love him any more." He nodded his head toward Ford.

She rose up out of the bed, and went to him. "I'm so sorry, Ford." She said. "I was so upset and worried about Guthrie, which is no excuse to be so mean to you. Please, say you'll forgive me."

Adam smiled watching her, and thought again how lucky he was; how lucky they all were. She was an angel; his angel.

"Oh." Ford said looking down. "Forgive you? But I'm the one who lied."

"No you didn't." She said gently. "Was he home when I called?" She asked him, and Ford shook his head, still not looking up at her.

"I asked if he was home, and you said no." She lifted his chin with her fingers. "Hon, you didn't lie to me, and even if you had, I would still forgive you." She watched his bright blue eyes fill with tears and she pulled him into her arms.

"I'm sorry, Hannah. I never should have . . ." He sobbed against her shoulder. "I should have said something."

"Hush, now." She said. "I forgive you." She held him until his tears slowed and then she moved a half step away so she could see his eyes. "You're my brother, Ford. I love you. You can't be afraid some day I'll stop. It isn't possible. We are family."

He nodded slowly, and she smiled at him, wiping his tears with her fingers. "Now, you go get some sleep, honey. You must be so exhausted. You haven't slept at all, have you? You've been worrying and worrying over it."

He nodded his head and turned to go, pausing just long enough to kiss her on the cheek. "I love you too, Hannah." He said soft as a whisper. She smiled as he left, and sat down next to Adam on the bed.

"Well?" She asked.

"It was just stupidity, darlin'. They thought he'd wandered off, and then they realized they should have called already. I don't know. It was just stupid, I guess. And maybe they wanted to protect us too. They wanted to wait until they found him, so they could say it was alright." He reached for her hand and glanced at Guthrie who sighed contentedly in sleep.

"Poor Brian." She said looking at him. "He hates screwing up in front of you."

"What?"

"Let's face it, Adam. As far as big brothers go, you are a pretty hard act to follow."

"Pssh." He said. "I've screwed up more times than I can count."

"Not in their eyes." She said.

"Now, when exactly did I tell you, you'd be living with my brothers?" He asked her grinning.

"Well, there was that. They enjoyed that quite a bit I think."

"They sure like watching me suffer. Maybe I should make them suffer more." He looked at her. "You can do it. They are all terrified of you right now."

"Me? I'm barely taller than Guthrie!" She said.

"Height's got nothing to do with it, girl." She lay back on the bed, perpendicular to where Guthrie lay sleeping.

"God, I am so tired. Between you and your brothers I am worn out! Next time, they offer us a trip, let's stay home. Vacations are exhausting."

He laughed and stretched out on his side, beside her, resting his head on his hand, his other one resting on her. "You curl up next to Guthrie." He said. "I'll keep an eye on things."

"I ought to go down, and let them know, I forgive them." She said yawning.

"Later." He told her, moving so she could stretch out next to Guthrie. He grabbed a quilt from the armchair and covered her, sitting beside her.

"I'm gonna propose to you again, later." He said and she laughed.

"Hoping for a free dinner?" She asked.

"No, I'm hoping you'll say yes still." His fingers danced lightly over her face.

"Only one way to find out." She said with a wink.

"I love you, Hannah Joy." He said as she closed her eyes.

"I'm glad." She said softly. "That ring I gave you was pretty expensive."

"You are trouble, girl, you know that?" He said leaning over her and kissing her.

"Damn straight." She said.

"Watch your language." He said laughing. "You spend too much time with cowboys."

"Don't be jealous, honey. You are still my favorite cowboy."

"I better be." He kissed her again. "No banker would ever give you this much excitement. You remember that."

He crossed the room and sat down in the armchair that faced the bed. He sat for a long time watching them sleep, when he realized suddenly that it was just like his dream - the two of them lying together like that. It sent a strange sensation through him, and he felt an odd sense of peace come over him. It was his dream, but they were not lost, and he was not all alone. He fell asleep then, exhausting finally winning out.

***7***

The fog was thick and he pushed his way through it. The only sound, his footsteps. He felt a panic rising as he could not find anyone. His heartbeats loud as thunder echoed through the forest that was covered in a fog so thick he could not find his way. He saw them then, in the distance. They were standing together in a circle of clear, sunshine. They laughed seeing him, and waved him towards them. He ran to them, and found himself accepted into their circle. He glanced around their faces, surprised she wasn't there but turned as they pointed to the center, where she waited for him. Her smile pushed the surrounding fog further and further away and he danced with her as his brothers looked on smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

Hannah McFadden stood facing a mountain of laundry. She sighed and reached into the pile. She couldn't have expected them to keep up with the laundry with Guthrie missing, but still . . .

_Back to real life. _She thought.

"Hannah!" Guthrie called from the other room. "It's your turn."

"Let Adam take my turn." She called back . "I'm going to start a load."

She began loading jeans into the washer, checking every pocket. Her first load of laundry here had been ruined because she hadn't checked their pockets. She reached down and realized she was holding Guthrie's jean jacket. It was filthy and she could see a dark stain; blood. Shuddering, she checked his pockets finding a small stub of broken pencil and a hall pass. She turned to drop it in the trash and saw writing covering the back.

_I'm sorry. I'm just so tired. . ._

Hannah put a hand to her mouth, her face twisted in pain. _Oh, God. Guthrie! _She stood frozen.

"Hey hon, you landed on his hotel so . . .what? What is it? What's wrong?" He crossed to her and she fell against him. She was shaking.

"Baby? What?" She held the note out to him and he reached for it, but she covered his hand with her own. Crumpling the note.

"No, Adam, sit down first." She said softly.

She led him into the kitchen, and he sat down in a chair, but she didn't sit across from him. She sat in his lap, resting her head against his shoulder as he read it.

Crane stepped into the kitchen a few minutes later, and stepped back embarrassed to see Adam and Hannah locked in a tight embrace.

"Sorry." He said awkwardly and turned right back around.

"No, wait Crane." Hannah said letting go of Adam and sitting up. She'd been crying.

"Hey, what's?" He stopped seeing Adam had been crying too. "What's wrong?"

Hannah rose and handed him the note. He sat down heavily reading it. Hannah stood beside him and held onto his hand.

"Oh my God." Crane said looking up at her. "Where . . .?"

"It was in his pocket." She said softly.

Adam rose and stood beside her. His arms around her.

"He must have been so . . ." Adam sighed resting his cheek on the top of her head. He looked down at Crane.

"I'm really sorry, Hannah." Crane said again for the hundredth time in the past three days.

She reached out and ran a hand through his hair. "You owe me another ten." She said forcing a smile across her face. "That's got to be seventy dollars now, Crane. You better stop apologizing."

"Hannah!" Guthrie called from the other room. "Where did everybody go?"

"I better not hear you hopping around, young man." She called back to him. She wiped the tears from her face, and smiled sadly at Adam, patting the side of his face gently, and went back into the front room.

"Adam, what should we do?" Crane asked.

"Let's wait for Brian." Adam said. "Daniel and the others, they don't need to know. Danny, he'd be crushed."

"So?"

"We play monopoly." Adam said.

***7***

Guthrie knew something was up when Hannah let him have a third piece of pie. He set his fork down.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Guthrie." She said sitting beside him on his fold out bed.

He set the tray aside. "Am I sick?"

She smiled then, "Oh no, Guthrie you're fine. Another couple days I'll even let you out of this bed for more than an hour."

"Then what is it? They are all talking, and you've been crying."

She sighed deeply, and reached for his hand. "I was doing the laundry, hon. I found your note."

"Oh. I uh, forgot about that." He looked up at her. "I was just so tired and hungry and cold. I thought . . .I was just scared." He looked down embarrassed.

"I bet you were. I'm sorry, Guthrie." She said reaching out and brushing his hair away from his face.

"I'm the one who's sorry. Adam always says, 'McFadden's never quit.'" He sighed. "I'm ashamed Hannah." He looked down.

"Oh, no. You've got nothing to be ashamed of, Guth. Doesn't Adam always say that 'a man takes care of his own'? Leaving us a note like that, you were making sure we were taken care of - just like you should." She said. "It is just hard for us, for me, to think that you were that sure you wouldn't be with us anymore. It's hard to think about, Guthrie."

"Yeah." He said. He sat quietly, thoughtful. He reached for her hand. "Hannah?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have permission to get out of bed? I want to go talk to them." He looked up at her, and her heart felt so full. He was such a gentle, loving boy. She was grateful to the mother-in-law she'd never known for this boy; this gift to them all.

"Put your robe on." She said. She watched him, climb out of bed, put on his robe and handed him the crutches.

"Come on." He said looking back at her. "You too." She smiled and followed him into the kitchen where Adam, Brian and Crane sat discussing Guthrie's note.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Adam asked seeing him, he raised his eyebrows in question at Hannah who stood just behind him. She winked and smiled at him.

Brian moved and helped Guthrie sit in a chair at the table. Brian sat at the head of the table with Adam and Crane to his left, and Guthrie sat on his right. Hannah moved across the room and stood between Adam and Crane her hands resting on their shoulders.

"I guess you found my last will and testament." Guthrie said with a grin.

"Guthrie," Adam said.

"I can see how it would upset you, and make you feel guilty all over again." He smiled at Hannah who gave him an encouraging wink.

"But you gotta remember, I was dehydrated, sick, and exhausted too. My brain was confused. I just thought about how important it is to say things. You never know what could happen. You taught me that." He said sighing.

"It was a really nice note Guthrie." Brian said reaching over and holding onto his hand.

"It is just a little hard to think about you writing it all alone." Crane said.

"But right after I wrote it, right after, you found me." Guthrie said. "_You_ found me Crane." He looked up at him with his big eyes. Adam could remember all the times that Guthrie had brought them back together. It wasn't easy for a bunch of boys to keep things together, but one thing had always, always unified them; Guthrie.

"You all keep talking guilty about me being lost, but I'm the one who ran off without telling anyone. You ought to be mad at me. You should ground me, Adam! I'm not supposed to go off without telling anyone. That's Rule One."

"Okay," Adam said through tears. "You're grounded for two weeks, starting last week."

"Good." Guthrie said with a grin. "That's better. Brian, aren't you gonna yell at me for all the trouble I caused?"

"You did. I was scared. Crane was scared and you can't know how upset Daniel was. Not to mention Hannah, here. You know how upset she was?" Brian said softly.

"I'm sorry." Guthrie said. "I really am."

"Good." Brian said still holding Guthrie's hand.

"I better get back in bed, hadn't I, Hannah?" Guthrie said, and she nodded unable to speak just then.

He rose slowly, and taking up his crutches, he moved to hobble back to his bed. "_You_ found me; not Search and Rescue; not the sheriff's department. My brothers found me. And even when I wrote that stupid note, I knew you would." He left them stunned and silent. Adam, who'd been holding the note in his hands, gently folded it and tucked in his breast pocket, putting it close to his heart.

"He's not a baby anymore." Crane said softly.

"No, sir." Brian said looking up, and seeing Hannah's tears. "Hey, that's enough of that, Mrs. McFadden. If you are gonna fine us for every time we apologize, I'm gonna start fining you for those tears. Adam, put your arms around her, for God's sake." Brian rose and Crane followed him out of the room, as Adam pulled Hannah down and into his arms.

***7***

Hannah watched Guthrie walk slowly out to the bus with his brothers. She hated the thought of sending him back to school where he might get jostled in a crowded hallway, or be tempted to play a game of basketball. He was well that was what she kept reminding herself, but it was still difficult. She sighed and went back inside. Everyone was out at school or working and it was the first time she'd been alone in days and days. She glanced at the calendar and seeing the date, she furrowed her brow. The 23rd? She was surprised, and somewhat confused. Then suddenly, she realized it. She went to the phone and looked up the number, dialing it.

"Dr. Meyer's office." His secretary said cheerfully.

"Hello, this is Hannah McFadden." She said already smiling.

"Oh, how is Guthrie?"

"Much better. Back in school, to his sorrow." Hannah said.

"How can we help you?" She asked.

"I think I need to come in for an appointment."

"Okay, let's see. I have one open for next Thursday. Is that soon enough?"

"That will be fine." Hannah said.

"Can I put down the nature of the visit?"

"Pregnancy test." Hannah said with a grin.

***7*** ***7*** ***7*** ***7*** ***7*** ***7*** ***7***

_Thanks for all the great reviews. I love hearing from everyone and try to answer anyone who leaves a signed review, but sometimes I have to tackle my mountain of laundry too. Real life often gets in the way. Hope you've enjoyed my take on the brothers and Hannah. I sure have enjoyed reading all of yours and can't wait for more - willful redhead_


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